She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
