God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
