i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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