The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
