I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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