if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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