:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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