I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
