can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
