i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
