I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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