Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
