literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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