Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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