Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
