she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
