we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
