I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
