1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
