I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
