so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize