So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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