She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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