K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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