I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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