He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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