Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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