im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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