I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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