The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize