oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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