hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As shirtless as possible
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
These tits shall not be calmed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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