who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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