Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
