I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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