Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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