just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
