some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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