Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
