my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
