i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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