She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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