she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize