i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I AM VODKA MAN
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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