you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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