so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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