omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
