I wanna bring you to show and tell
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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