Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My breasts were aching with rage.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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