i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
