fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
