Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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