Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
