last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
