I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
