saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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