I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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