that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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