We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize