Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
