Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
