I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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