Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
