I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I looked at my own cervix.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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